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Two Years to begin letting go.

Posted in: Drawings by Pamela on November 10, 2008

I drew this in 1986 two years after the murder of my younger brother, Robert, in October, 1984.

I never knew. It took me for a very long loop.
Something happened at this two year mark, in 1986 where I drew this ~ where things, where my surroundings, were becoming okay to feel and hear again. I was so lost, so devastated, it hurt to breathe. Yet now, my heart was feeling lighter and could breathe more easily. Don’t know why or how, it just happened. My heart was simply enjoying and sensing this emotional release,  dissolving the enormous pain upon my being that seemed never ending. The drawing depicts that moment of releasing. Leaving the dark one walking into the Sunlight.

With never ending love in my heart, goodbye.

So freeing.

This was the first break in recovery from grief.

It took another three years before the magical moment happened.

Something out of the ether completely unexpected ~ and if it didn’t I would not be writing this.

Five years to the month, from October of 1984, to October of 1989,

it happened unbeknownst to me.

October, 1989.

Living in my apartment still trying to breathe in life and living, for it made no sense to me and wanted out of this emotional misery and grief. It was excruciating. I had it all planned out, and how I was going to do it. I could not take it anymore.

As clear as day I remember this moment.

I dropped to my knees and prayed to God (whatever that is) saying:

“Please let my heart stop.”

The very moment I said that?

You could not put a cigarette paper between me saying it and what happened next.


Something energetically, as I call it, came up and slapped me up the backside of my head.

That is what it felt like.

The dark world I lived in for five years slammed shut!

And Pamela came back. Just like that.

I set goals and attained every single one of them.

Everyone around me were saying “What happened to you?

One minute you want to die, the next you are happy to live!”

Yes I was very happy! And have no idea what happened. It just did.

And on we go to another Chapter of this amazing life we live.

Robert came to me telepathically in 1998 in Cancun.

2020: All in more detail in one of the four books I’m writing.

Love to ALL.

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